Adding Detail to our Writing using Show not Tell

In Room 14 we have been working on making our writing more interesting by letting the reader know what is happening by creating a picture with words rather than simply telling them. This is called writing with Show not Tell. We have taken boring sentences and rewritten them in an interesting way. Here is a couple of samples.

Original Boring Sentence: It was cold on the beach.

Nikki’s Show not Tell Sentence:

As the wind furiously blew, I fought against it to finally reach the car park. Sand blew into my face, waves rumbled with terror as they rose and clapped back into the ocean. As I reached the car I opened the door, it flung back like a gun that back fired. I quickly jumped in the car. As I struggled to close the door, the wind changed direction and slammed it for me. “Maybe tomorrow”, I said to myself as I drove away from the beach.

Original Boring Sentence: Dad was angry.

Georgina’s Show not Tell Sentence:

Dad’s face was as red as a traffic light, his jaw clenched as if a lion ready to pounce. Steam was exploding out of his ears like a volcano and his veins were popping. I think dad is mad.