Room 14 has been working on our writing. We are trying to use similes and use show not tell. E.g. “The sweet luscious deep red fruit covered in pale green seeds”, instead of saying, “strawberries”. We are also trying to use the correct punctuation and grammar.
Dark Night
By Ally
It was a dark stormy night with clouds rumbling through the night. A flash of light brightens the night sky for one second and then a crash of thunder. The night went on as the little girl tried to fall to sleep. Unfortunately she was scared of thunder and lightning and was screaming her little lungs out.
As she was screaming there was a dark shadow and a high pitch scream like a sharp nail scraping on the window. The little girl stopped in horror wondering what to do. All of a sudden the window started to open slowly. The little girl swallowed her saliva. Just as she was about to cry the window swung open and a dark shadow came in. The little girl started shaking as the cold frozen air filled the room.
The man was dripping wet making puddles where ever he stepped. He had a bag in his hand and was wearing all black from shoulder to toe and looked quite tall. The girl got more terrified as the man came closer, then the man said, “Don’t be scared, it’s just me.” It was her Dad. He went out of the room to get into some dry clothes, when he came back in he said, “I am sorry, the front and back door was locked and your window was the only one open.”
I liked the way you used the term dark stormy night in the opening sentence to set the scene.
ReplyDeleteMr O'C
it was realy kwl. I realy likedn it
ReplyDeleteoliva
I like the way you said a high pitch scream and described it like a nail scraping on the window it really catches my eye and it makes it sound so real and alive!!
ReplyDeleteGO POUAKAI!!
Kitana