In room 14 we have been learning a writing technique called Show Not tell. It means that when telling a story you not going straight to the point but describing it so you get a picture in your mind. Here are a few of our Show Not Tell samples.
As I limp into the public toilets everyone was in them. As I wait and wait a toilet becomes free. Finally as I put my bum on the smooth lid, a hurricane of poo slid out. Oh that felt good. Oh no! Everyone was watching.
By Zandrea Burdan
As I waddled to the toilet feeling my bladder rumbling, squeezing my massive grey wrinkly cheeks together. I place my bum onto the smooth surface. My bladder starts to empty. Poo oozing out of me, sloppy and runny. I grabbed some white rough patterned toilet paper, I wipe the splattered mess off my cheeks. I proudly look at it and then drop it with a plop! I put pressure on the button and then walk out. “That’s so much better.” But then ... the stench fills the air.
By Bex McAlister
I was on the start line, across from me was Usain bolt from Jamaica. On the other side was Aidan Ritchie from New Zealand. ‘BLAM’ we were off. Soon the only two people in front of me were Usain and Aidan. The finishing line was in touching distance, but then one of my spikes came loose. The ground rushing towards me , ‘Crack’ my wrist , ‘Crack ‘ my spine , ‘Crack ‘ my ankle , ‘Crack ‘ my knee cap . I wasn’t in pain at the moment but I knew the pain would come soon enough.
By Aidan Ritchie
As the strong stench of mud fills my snout, I snort towards it. Caplonk! Sludgy, pongey, gooey mud covers my pink skin. The warm salty taste of mud fills my mouth. I slide across as fast as a bullet. Mud flicks across like a sprinkler. My ears flop up and down as i jump into piles of mud. I love mud.
By Nikki Devine
As I limp into the public toilets everyone was in them. As I wait and wait a toilet becomes free. Finally as I put my bum on the smooth lid, a hurricane of poo slid out. Oh that felt good. Oh no! Everyone was watching.
By Zandrea Burdan
As I waddled to the toilet feeling my bladder rumbling, squeezing my massive grey wrinkly cheeks together. I place my bum onto the smooth surface. My bladder starts to empty. Poo oozing out of me, sloppy and runny. I grabbed some white rough patterned toilet paper, I wipe the splattered mess off my cheeks. I proudly look at it and then drop it with a plop! I put pressure on the button and then walk out. “That’s so much better.” But then ... the stench fills the air.
By Bex McAlister
I was on the start line, across from me was Usain bolt from Jamaica. On the other side was Aidan Ritchie from New Zealand. ‘BLAM’ we were off. Soon the only two people in front of me were Usain and Aidan. The finishing line was in touching distance, but then one of my spikes came loose. The ground rushing towards me , ‘Crack’ my wrist , ‘Crack ‘ my spine , ‘Crack ‘ my ankle , ‘Crack ‘ my knee cap . I wasn’t in pain at the moment but I knew the pain would come soon enough.
By Aidan Ritchie
As the strong stench of mud fills my snout, I snort towards it. Caplonk! Sludgy, pongey, gooey mud covers my pink skin. The warm salty taste of mud fills my mouth. I slide across as fast as a bullet. Mud flicks across like a sprinkler. My ears flop up and down as i jump into piles of mud. I love mud.
By Nikki Devine
nice show not tell guys great pictures that you guys picked out
ReplyDeletebex